(0)ROMANCE MATHAMETICS
Smart man + smart woman = Romance
Smart man + dumb woman = Affair
Dumb man + smart woman = Marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = Pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart emplyee = Profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = Production
Dumb boss + smart employee = Promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = Overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesnt need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him alittle.
To be happy with a women, you must lover her alot and not try to understand
her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are alot more
willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a women expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A women has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED.
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the
same thing to them at funerals.
WOMEN’S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
about?
MEN’S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you.
11. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay.